25 Days Away: So What Now?

 I made a nifty little countdown for myself a while back, and just recently, I realized that I am 25 DAYS away from lift off. 

Time is going by quickly, and to be honest, it's a bit freaky.

I've pretty much fulfilled all of the goals and objectives to successfully get to Japan, and I've been pleasantly surprised with how smoothly it all went.

Visa? Check!

Yunyu Kakunin-sho for import medication? Dunzo.

Plane tickets? Expensive, but secured.

Mental preparedness? Uh, let's chat a bit about that one.

As a study abroad student whose program has been canceled several times, dealing with the excitement and intense emotions has been an interesting, and at times, somewhat difficult process. I strive for this blog to be a place for earnest and honest portrayals of the study abroad experience, and sometimes that means talking about the negatives that can arise before, during, or after a semester in a different country.

As I mentioned previously, my study abroad program had to be cancelled multiple times due to COVID. I completely agreed with Kansai Gaidai University in their decisions, and I understood that it was by no means an easy choice for anybody to make.

After my first program was canceled, I knew that there was a high likelihood of it being delayed again, and I decided that I needed to curb my excitement in the event that my plans didn't go through. I tried to remain neutral in response to good and bad new regarding the status of COVID in Japan, stayed away from too much personal research, and attempted to create detachment from any expectations I created in my head. I thought I was doing what was best for myself, but in reality, ignoring my feelings and excitement ended up taking a toll on my mental health. There had been a massive announcement one day that Japan had opened its borders to international students, and instead of rejoicing, I found myself feeling dismayed.

What was wrong with me? That was the question I asked myself after having such a strange response. 

I realized that I was in such a state of uncertainty, I no longer knew if I truly felt if I should study abroad or not. I didn't know what was best, and wanted the decision to be made for me no matter how, in an attempt to mitigate any heartbreak if things didn't work out. 

Ultimately, the program once again canceled due to a major influx of people trying to get into Japan (180,000 students alone!), and I had gotten my wish. The decision was made for me.

It was a difficult time, my struggles with studying abroad were compounded by other obstacles, and my uncertainty ended up majorly impacting other aspects of my life.

With the next opportunity coming up, I realized I had a chance to heal, and that I had to come up with a better way to process my emotions and fears associated with studying abroad. This time around, I know that I'm ready to go through with this experience, and I've been striving to put into practice all that I have learned during these last few weeks in the states.

I'll write a separate blog post on what I've chosen to call "pre-departure existential zoomies," sharing the importance of utilizing all of that pent up energy that can come with anxiety and other intense feelings. 

In the mean time, I'll answer that question that I asked initially: So what now? All the paperwork and forms are done, what's the next step?

The next step is simply knowing, being and doing. 

This time around, I can know that I'm ready, and that I have the tools and skills to study abroad. 

I can be in the mindset that will most benefit me, one that balances the past, present and future.

I can do the things that I value in my time that remains at home, taking care of both myself and others, and accomplishing the things that once seemed impossible.

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Thanks for reading :)

-Georgia